this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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