Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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