she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
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i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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