There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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