i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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