I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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