Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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