So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
