I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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