he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
