Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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