You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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