I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
