I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
