For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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