when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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