you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
