omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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