My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
