I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.