I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.