Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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