Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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