I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he shaved USA in his pubs
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
