Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize