I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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