i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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