She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
