I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
