He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.