I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.