Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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