please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
