Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
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not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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