I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
