Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
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oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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