I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
