your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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