I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it's like iHOP with fire
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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