I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
