I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
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I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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