I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
