oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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