how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
