you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
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$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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