I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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