just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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