I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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