Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions