i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.