I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
high people should be assigned attendants
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hippo gnu deer
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.