we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!