You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
