so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
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Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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