yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
